


The Heart Wants What It Wants

by nicole_scully



Category: Friends, Friends (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 04:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20614637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicole_scully/pseuds/nicole_scully
Summary: Title pretty much sums it up :)





	The Heart Wants What It Wants

**Author's Note:**

> Critiques and opinions are always welcomed

A month after Chandler and Monica admitted they’re together in a relationship, finally, everything seemed to go back to normal. The seduction plan worked and Phoebe managed to crack Chandler, or as she liked to tell the story, she had him crawling. And to be honest… it didn’t take long. Chandler was always a little bit weak, although he did put up a good fight and made Phoebe sweat when he made her think he was actually going through with the whole thing. What’s even more frustrating, that somewhere deep, Phoebe hoped he would go through with it. But she quickly shook the thought out of her head when he confessed.   
“I’m in love with Monica, okay!” He shouted and pushed Phoebe away from him, a little bit too harshly, which he regretted instantly, seeing the hurt expression on her face.   
“What?” Monica opened the bathroom door and walked out, with a surprised but happy expression on her face.   
“You’re in love with me?” She asked breathlessly and gave him a funny look, causing Chandler to hesitated for a second. He casted a side look at Phoebe and back to Monica.   
“Yeah” he smiled a little and wrapped his arms around her, looking at Phoebe apologetically. 

*****

He sat on the sofa in Monica’s apartment and thought about it. Ever since then, he always kept an eye on Phoebe. Suddenly she became really pretty. Suddenly, every move she made, he couldn’t help but replay in his mind. He couldn’t help but want to sit next to her in the cafe, he couldn’t help but think of her either she was or wasn’t there. Suddenly her hair has never been shinier, softer and better looking. Suddenly her eyes were one of the things he was looking forward to seeing every day. And it wasn’t good. He tried to think about Monica instead, tried to think about her onyx hair falling around her shoulders, her crystal blue eyes, her tiny frame and how much he loved her hands. But the image slowly turned into golden curls, emerald eyes and rings.   
He despised the feeling, for the simple reason: he should feel these things for Monica. The way he did before the stupid seduction. And he couldn’t help but hate Phoebe for it. It wasn’t her fault but he wanted it to be her fault. So he wouldn’t hate to blame himself for it. So he distanced himself from her.   
About two weeks later, she came into his apartment, happily bouncing, wanting to play hide and seek like they used to. Yes. Like they used to. Before Chandler had all of those inappropriate thoughts about her, WITH a girlfriend by his side. 

****

“Hey, Bing” She said as she bursted into his apartment, smiling widely. “Wanna play hide and seek? I’m so bored and everybody else is busy” she said as she walked up to him and excitedly clapped her hands. Chandler didn’t say anything for a second, just admired her glowing face. But then it made him angry.   
“Pheebs, do you not know how to knock? You know, the thing with lifting your hand and tapping the door with your knuckles?” He said as he wildly gestured with his hands.   
“It doesn’t take more than a second and more respectful to my privacy.” He glared at her and watched as the excitement and joy quickly left her pretty face. Now she was just red and embarrassed.   
“I’m sorry, I thought…” she started but he interrupted her by turning his back to her.   
“Well you thought wrong” he retorted and stared at the wall. He didn’t dare to look at her, he was afraid if he saw her face, and the sadness he could feel radiating off from her, he would become weak and do things he shouldn’t. He hated to be the one that killed the happiness in her eyes.   
“Can you please go, I need to get ready and meet Monica” he lied. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Maybe gather them together and make sense, any sense, out of this huge mess he got himself into.   
For a second he heard nothing, but then a deep breath and heels clicking as she walked out of the door but her presence remained in Chandler's endless thoughts. He took a deep breath as well and fell into the comfortable chair. He could’ve punched himself for what he did but he don’t know what else to do. Burying his head in his hands, he tried to chase the thoughts out of his head but the harder he pushed, the harder they fought him in and at the end he just leaned back and let the thoughts of his best friend take over him. 

*****

Sighing he got up from the sofa and went to the fridge. He needed a drink. This was too much to take. He opened the fridge door and leaned in to have a better look at what was in there.   
“Monica, are you here I need your help” Phoebe shouted as she ran into the apartment, scaring Chandler, who turned too quickly and his forehead came into a sharp contact with the fridge door.   
“Goddammit Pheebs, what did I say about knocking?” Chandler yelled at her, but it was more because of the pain and not anger. He held his hand up to his forehead and felt something warm dripping from his head. He hissed and realised he was bleeding.   
This time Phoebe didn’t retreat, but quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bathroom.   
Well that was just fantastic. Just what he wanted. Being locked in a tiny bathroom with Phoebe.   
“Sit” she ordered and made him sit on the top of the toilet. Grabbing some cotton balls and something, that Chandler later found out was stinging like hell, and started to clean the wound.   
“That’s okay, I’m fine” he said and tried to push her hand away. He stood up to leave, but she put both of her hands on his shoulders and, with incredible force, pushed him back to sit.   
When did she become this strong?  
“Okay, fine I’m sitting” he said and put his hands up, as if saying he would surrender. Wouldn’t want to get into a fight with her.   
She went back to clean his wound and he couldn’t help but admire her beauty once again. She was standing between his legs and he was in perfect eye level with her chest. Her blonde hair tickled his nose and he automatically took a deep breath, taking her scent in, filling his lungs with it.   
“Ahh” he hissed again when she applied pressure at the wound and the cleansing liquid touched his skin.   
“Stay calm, would you?” She hissed back and grabbed his chin to lift his head up and keep it still, forcing him to look at her.   
Suddenly he became aware of the speed of his heartbeat. It was beating twice as fast as it normally would. His fingers were twitching and basically moved on their own.   
They slowly went up on her legs to gently grab her hips and he let out a satisfied chuckle when he saw the reaction he was hoping for. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before going back to taking care of his forehead. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was annoyed with him. But he knew better.   
He didn’t even care for the stinging anymore, he just wanted to touch her. His right hand climbed further up, and found its way under her shirt. The moment his fingertips touched her skin, she took a shallow breath, as if she was scared to even breathe. He kept his eyes on her but she refused to meet them. Stubbornly, she was still looking at his head.   
Being encouraged by her not rejecting him, he braved another inch.   
Delicately he traced her skin and smiled. It was soft, like silk, and warm and he became dizzy just from the thought of feeling her skin against his. He wanted nothing more just to explore and kiss every inch of Phoebe. Her breath hitched once again and he swore he heard her heart beating like a jackhammer in her chest. His other hand slid around her back and gently caressed her up and down, pulling her closer towards him. She reluctantly took a step forward and had to grab his shoulders in order to stay on her feet. His hand under her shirt started kneading her skin, grabbing her flesh and massaging her waist. She let out a sigh and her hands tightened on his shoulders. As much as she didn’t want to, and it was obvious to Chandler, she enjoyed it. She desperately wanted to hate it. To tear his hands off of her, to make him stop touching her but she couldn’t. 

Chandler had enough. He just couldn’t control himself anymore. His hands still on her, he stood up and she had to take a step back so she wouldn’t fall. But Chandler tightened his grip on her and pulled her back close to his body. He kept a hand under her shirt, caressing her, his thumb drawing little circles on her skin, and the other hand went to cup her face. He leaned closer, close enough to feel her breath on his lips. His eyes dropped down to look at hers. They were slightly parted, inviting even. He had to close his eyes to gather himself. He wondered if they’re as soft as they look. When she took a deep breath, his eyes jumped back at hers. They were practically black, her pupils expanded and were filled with lust and longing. But he saw something else too. Fear. She was scared. And so was he. They got caught up in a wicked game, and endless war and nothing they could do that would make it go away or make it easier. There was only one solution. And Chandler knew that neither of them would like it. But if they didn’t, he knew for sure that it would drive him crazy. He could only speak for himself. But judging by the look she had on her face, she was the same. This time, Phoebe closed her eyes. As if she couldn’t hold the weight of his feelings. He took this opportunity to look at her. Her long blonde hair was swept back with a hair clip to stop it from falling on her face, and the rest of it fell around her shoulder and down her back. He loved her hair. The way she curled it one day and tied it back the other. She never failed to impress him with her unique hairstyles. His eyes then moved to her pretty face. But to him, she was now beautiful. He never thought about how beautiful she actually was. He traced her soft features down to her sweet lips again. 

God she was driving him crazy. 

The tension between them was heavy on their bodies. Her chest was rising wildly. Up and down. Each breath she took caused her to unconsciously move closer to him. Slowly, he pushed her up against the wall. Not too tightly, but with enough strength so she couldn’t escape. Not that she tried. But at that, her breathing sped up then she held her breath when he leaned closer to her face, his lips just inches from hers.   
“Keep on breathing, love” he whispered against her lips, his breath caressing her face.   
“Chandler…” She moaned and he realised that it was the first time she spoke since she locked them up in the bathroom and ordered him to sit.   
“Phoebe.” He started and swallowed hard before speaking again, his voice was hoarse and thick with lust. “Phoebe, you got inside my head. And I want you out” he knew she felt the same. Her eyes said what her lips couldn’t. He never knew her to be this quiet. The normally always chatty and quirky Phoebe was now a prisoner of her own words. She looked like a deer in the spotlight. Frozen and with fear in her beautiful eyes. And it scared him. It scared him that he scared her. The thought of him loving her scared her. She looked weak. As if she couldn’t hold the weight of his love. 

Love?

Did he love her? Of course he did, he always have and always will. But was he in love with her?  
“Phoebe, everyday I’m a slave to the heartache. I think I’m in lo-...” he started but Phoebe stopped him with her fingers on his lips.   
“Don’t say it” she said softly. “Please, Chandler, don’t say it.” She sounded as if he wounded her with his words and she was bleeding from various places. As if each word that left his mouth, was like thousands of knives in her heart.   
She was so close to him. Her face was just an inch away. He could feel each time she exhaled on his face. It took him everything to hold himself back. His body was hot and trembling from desire and he had to put a hand on the wall next to her face to steady himself. The hand that was still resting on her waist, now slid around her back and slowly pulled her close to him. But instead of kissing her, he buried his face into the crook of her neck. He didn’t even bother to move her hair away, he just hid his face in the thick golden locks. It felt amazing to have her so close to him. To feel her heart beating against his. To know that she was alive and there with him. To embrace her in his arms. 

He felt her tense up but gradually she relaxed again. Taking a deep breath, he filled his lungs with her scent yet again, enjoying the way it caressed his mind, and let his body finally drop on hers, the weight of him crushed her against the wall. She cried out quietly when her back hit the wall but she didn’t protest. They stood like that for a few minutes, until Chandler felt wetness on his face. He moved to look at her and saw that she was now crying. Tiny sobs shook her body and her green eyes sparkled from unshed tears. And something else. Betrayal. Betrayal of her own heart.   
Her heart betrayed her, causing her to betray herself and her best friend.   
“Pheebs…” words failed him and his heart ached for her. Wiping her tears off, he desperately wished he could do something. But before he could speak, she did.   
“I gotta go” she said and attempted to get out of his grip. He let her go but almost immediately grabbed her wrist.   
“Please, Pheebs, don’t leave” he begged her, and was on the edge of crying too. In fact, he suddenly became aware of his own tears rolling down his cheeks. When did he start crying?   
He was tired of losing battles. He was tired of the battle scars he wore from battles of the past. He wanted to heal. And he needed her to help him heal.   
“Chandler, is it worth losing Monica over? I’m sorry… I can’t stay,” she said, her voice harsh and she put both of her hands flat on his chest, pushing him away. He stumbled back, catching the edge of the sink and watched her leave. That’s right. He just watched her walk right out of his life. 

****

He didn’t know how long he was sitting on top of the toilet before Monica discovered him. She found him leaned forward, his head rested in his hand, his leg bouncing up and down.   
“Chandler, honey, what happened?” She dropped the bag she was holding and stood in front of him. He lifted his head up and Monica gasped. His eyes were red from all the crying and pure agony graced his handsome features.   
“Oh Monica!” He cried out and wrapped his arms around her waist, pushing his face into her stomach.   
“I messed up big time” he said, his words muffled by her clothes. A soon as Monica put her arms around him, he broke down. He wept for Monica, for a life he could’ve had with her. He wept for Phoebe and for a life he wanted but seemed to be out of his reach. And mostly, he wept for himself. Everything he felt, all the emotions that he was holding back were now crashing down on him. He cried and sobbed and screamed as loud as he could. Anything just to make the pain go away. But it didn’t seem to want to go away. He was hurt, angry, desperate and utterly lonely. He felt like his heart was torn into two. His chest hurt. It was hard to breath. He was trying to make sense, create words but his mind was blocked and words just didn’t want to participate.   
All the while, Monica just caressed him. His hair, his face, his arms and said nothing.

Sweet, loving and kind Monica. 

She didn’t deserve it and he felt like the biggest bastard on earth for doing this to her, betraying her like that. She deserved love and happiness, all the things he thought he could give her, and more, up until a month ago.   
But now his heart longed to be with someone else. 

He hated his heart. He wanted to carve it out and stomp on it for the agony it caused to him. He wanted to scream and shout at it and demand answers to his questions such as how could he fall in love with Phoebe? Out of everyone. Why couldn’t he just love Monica the way he did? If he even did love Monica.. of course he did. But it was questionable.   
Pulling her closer he desperately willed himself to love her. To feel the same way he did when Phoebe was in his arms. To feel the longing of her skin. 

Monica. Monica. Monica. 

But it only made him wish to hold Phoebe right there. To feel her skin again. To have his fingertips trace her skin to places she’s never been. To feel her soft blonde hair tickling his face. He cried out even more.   
And Monica didn’t ask. Still didn’t. She knew he had his own demons to fight, heck she knew that long before they got together. And she assumed it was triggered by his past, childhood, parents or something. So she didn’t ask. And the pig he was, he was glad. But the guilt he felt was eating his soul alive. And he found himself battling. He wanted to tell Monica. He wanted to clear his soul, lift the weight of secrets but he couldn’t bring himself to. After all Phoebe was her best friend. And he was supposed to be her knight in shining armour.   
He wished he had a diamond heart. He wished he could be bulletproof. Bend any way the wind forced him and be strong enough to handle it. That way he could turn off whatever he was feeling anytime he wanted to. Better yet, he could be shielded from the pain and the heartache of loving someone he can’t be with. If he had a diamond heart, he would be unbreakable. He would walk straight through the dagger, never mind the bruises.   
Diamonds don’t shatter.   
Suddenly, steps were coming from the front door. 

Had she came back?

He let go of Monica and dashed out to the kitchen. He tripped but managed to stay on his feet as he rounded the corner to the kitchen. 

Phoebe!

But his face fell again, when his eyes rested on Joey.   
“Hey man I just met Ph-...” he started but stopped when he looked at his best friend. He immediately understood. There was something between Phoebe and Chandler and by the looks of it, the tension that kept growing between them, finally exploded. And not in a good way.   
“Hey man” Chandler spoke up. He took a step towards Joey and ran a hand through his hair.   
“Can we talk?” God he sounded pathetic. He wondered for a second if he looked just as pathetic. He must’ve.   
Joey just nodded and made his way to their apartment. Chandler looked back at Monica who was behind her and stiffly hugged her. Then giving her a small smile, he followed Joey. 

“Did she say anything?” Chandler asked, shutting the door behind him and hoping to find out more.   
“No. She was a crying mess. She just ran past me and said she can’t do it. And that it’s not right.” He quoted Phoebe and sat down on his chair. Chandler sighed and did the same.   
“Man I messed up Joe. I tried my everything to keep away from her. I even tried to push her away. But I ended up being pulled in. I am losing sleep. I am reckless. All this for a sunflower, when I’m supposed to love a rose.” He buried his head in his hands and sighed.   
Joey listened to him. Although he didn’t really understand what Chandler was rambling about, he knew one thing. His two best friends were in pain and this time he couldn’t be the one to help them ease it. Only they could save each other.   
“Listen…” Joey started but had to stop. He couldn’t find the words that could possibly comfort his best friend. He rubbed his face with his hand before lacing his fingers together in his lap.   
“I think you should give her time. I mean you shocked her with…” he struggled with words for a minute.  
“.... with whatever happened between you two. If you pressure her, she will panic.” Joey said and sighed.   
“And she will run. Away from you. Also, you need to clear things up with Monica. I won’t be the secret keeper this time” Joey added and felt a bit bad for being harsh to his friend, but this wasn’t just about keeping a relationship secret. This was about Chandler causing pain for not one, but two of his friends.   
“I know it’s gonna sound nothing like me.” Joey sighed.   
“But there is strength in letting go. And you’re gonna have to decide when it comes to it… Who will you let go?” He stood up and squeezed Chandler’s shoulder gently before retiring into his bedroom. Chandler thought about what Joey said.   
He loved Monica. God was the witness he did. But Phoebe … He didn’t know what he felt for Phoebe, but he knew that life was blurry without her. That he was empty and hollow if she wasn’t there. This was more than love. This was like she was all the life source he needed and without her he would cease to be. To exist.

He sat in his chair for about an hour before Monica came to get him. It was late and she wanted to go to bed. Or maybe judging by her face, she came to break his heart before he could break hers. 

‘Before I love you (nah, nah, nah)  
I'm gonna leave you (nah, nah, nah)  
Before I'm someone you leave behind  
I'll break your heart so you don't break mine’

The words to a song he once heard in the radio started in his mind. How accurate they were at this moment. And suddenly he had the urge to laugh. It started out as a deep chuckle from his belly and it turned out to be a laugh from the heart.   
“What’s so funny?” Monica asked, genuinely confused about the situation.   
He just shook his head and waved his hand in a dismissive motion.   
“Nothing love. Let’s get some sleep.”

*******  
Phoebe stood in front of him. Still. Quiet. Nothing. Weightless. Green eyes. Grey sky. Smoke. 

He smiled. She was there and she was okay. Oh thank god she was okay! Her hands were dirty, earth stained her face and her blonde hair was mostly black from the mud. She was wearing a dirty white torn dress and was barefoot. Only her green eyes were bright and vibrant. But she was okay. 

Chandler dropped his shoulder and let out a relieved sigh. His head lowered and he giggled. When his eyes found her again, his breath got stuck in his lungs. Like he swallowed thousands of knives. It tore him apart. Her eyes were full of agony, and sadness, pain was written all over her pretty and dirty face. The sky above them was dark and ugly clouds hid the velvet moon. Wind blew her hair all over the pace and her lips moved. They moved but he could not hear a sound. As if she didn’t see him, her eyes looked straight through him. The hairband that was holding her hair up snapped and now the wind played freely with her golden locks. He reached out to get her, but the closer he got, the further away she slipped.   
Her lips opened in an excruciating scream and her face changed. Tiny cracks appeared on her skin and they grew bigger and deeper. From the wounds, lava was slowly making its way out. God he wanted to help her. To free her from the agony she was feeling! His heart broke and cried out for her. It looked like she was crying lava.   
“Why did you let me go? Why did you leave me? I loved you.” Her voice echoed through the air, cutting into his soul, invisible nails digging into his flesh and he had to close his eyes. When he opened them again, he noticed something in her hand. She held out what looked like a human heart. But it was made from crystal. Ruby. The heart gleamed everytime thunder lit up the sky and for a minute it looked like fire was burning inside it. Her fire. Her spirit. Her love for him. It was burning in flames.  
Flames to dust. Lovers to friends.  
“My heart will never be mine again.” Dream Phoebe whispered.   
“It’s now yours to take care of. Keep the fire burning. Keep my fire alive.” Her voice was full of pain and his arms moved on their own. He took the heart and was surprised at how cold her skin felt.   
She opened her mouth once again and this time she screamed. Loud and ear splitting scream. A second later her eyes rolled back and her body went limp. She fell to the ground and the cracks on her skin faded into grey scars. Her fire blacked out. He couldn’t free her from her pain. He couldn’t save her. 

“Phoebe!”

Chandler sat up, so fast it made him dizzy. His vision blurred and he heard the blood rush through his body. He was covered with sweat and gasping for air. His heart pounded in his chest so hard, he thought it will break through any minute. His ribs hurt. His chest hurt. So much he had a cough attack, trying to breathe easier. God that dream was awful. He couldn’t save her. She was in pain and he couldn’t help her. What use was he to her? A simple task and he failed miserably. No wonder Phoebe didn’t love him back. 

“Chandler, what’s wrong?” Monica asked, although something inside told him that she knew. Her voice was just calm and collected.   
He turned to look at her and rubbed his eyes. They were sore and it hurt.   
“Nothing Mon, just a bad dream. Go back to sleep.” He said but he didn’t move. He just kept staring at the darkness that slowly seemed to swallow him. And Monica didn’t move either.   
“Do you love her?” She asked and sighed. Patiently, she waited for him to catch up.   
“Do I love who?” He asked, truly caught off guard. Could she know? But how?   
“Phoebe. I heard you call out her name when you dreamed. You said you loved her and you’re sorry you couldn’t take her pain away.” She repeated what she heard when he was talking in his sleep.   
He must’ve been really relentless.   
“Plus I found her rings in the bathroom next to the first aid. And you being upset. I put 2 and 2 together.” This time she spoke softly and quietly. It was clear that it hurt her but for some reason she really handled it well. 

Chandler didn’t say anything, he didn’t move or even blink. He just kept staring ahead. He didn’t dare to speak. He knew he would cry. He couldn’t take it.   
Slowly he raised his eyes at her and nodded. Yes, he did love Phoebe. Yes, he was incredibly sorry. Yes, he betrayed Monica and her love. But it was all out of his hands. He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t control his feelings. 

The heart wants what it wants. 

And his longed for Phoebe. 

“Listen, you should go and talk to her. If you love her, you’ll fight for her. Because she’s worth it. I hope she will love you in the ways I couldn’t. Because you’re worth it too.” Monica smiled, tears were shining in the dark of the room and Chandler ached for her. He hurt her. Those tears weren’t happy tears. Those were the tears of someone who’s heart just cracked, leaving a silver scar in its wake. Her heart was bleeding. And he was the one who causes it.   
“Monica I’m so so sorry!” His voice broke and the tears finally fell. He embraced Monica in a hug and they both cried in each other’s arms.   
“I love you Monica. Don’t ever forget that.” He whispered as he kissed her forehead, a gesture of respect and love. He still loved and respected her. Just not in the same way as he did love and respect Phoebe.   
Monica pulled away gently and poked him on his chest.   
“Now go and get your girl!” She said and wiped her tears away.   
Chandler didn’t need to be told twice, he jumped out of their bed and got dressed. Fishing out his keys to Phoebe’s apartment, because he was sure she wouldn’t let him on her own will, he dashed out the door. 

*****

Chandler always thought love was easy. You just find the right person or they find you and BANG! you’re happy and in love. He dreamed about it when he was a boy, up until his parents divorced. Then he just thought love would cause you trouble and heartbreak. Pain and tears.   
Up until Monica came along and he thought maybe love doesn’t have to be so agonising for everyone. For him. That maybe he’s lucky enough to find a love that’s not painful.   
Then Phoebe happened. And his brain was on fire. Oh god, was love painful. What he went through in the past day felt like he’s been torn into a million pieces. 

He looked out of the cab window and shivered. He started to lose his courage the closer he got to her place. Was it really a good idea? It wasn’t even sure Phoebe wanted to see him. He was 50% sure she is gonna scream at him. Or worse. Throw something at him. He chuckled. That wouldn’t be the first time. He remembered the time he intentionally sabotaged her relationship with one of her boyfriend because he didn’t like him. Chandler just didn’t like the fact he eyed her, in a dirty way, like she was some kind of prize to be possessed. Like she was his property. Oh course Phoebe was head over heels for him and didn’t see the way she got played. So Chandler went behind her back to make the guy back down. He told him that Phoebe was seeing two other guys behind his back and he totally bought it. The break up was ugly and Phoebe was really upset. The moment she learned that he was behind it, she flipped with him. She grabbed the phone and threw it at him. She was so furious and he swore she never looked so beautiful. Her eyes were vibrant green and radiant, full with anger and sadness, all aimed at him. Her cheeks were flushed and her body was trembling. 

“How could you do this to me Bing?” She shouted at him, her hands held out in front of her, palms facing the ceiling. Chandler had to stop to look at her for a minute. His mind wandered to places it shouldn’t and he let himself slip.   
“Bing! I’m talking to you!” She snapped her fingers in front of his face and he jumped, surprised how quick she appeared close to him.   
“Why don’t you just go ahead and tell whole New York City lies about my dating life? Tell me why did you have to do it?”  
“Because the guy wasn’t right for you. He treated you like you were some kind of prize.” He said and crossed his arms on his chest.   
“And since when is it your business? My dating life or how I’m treated has nothing to do with you! You had no right to interfere!” She shouted into his face and pushed him angrily. He stumbled back and looked at her shocked. She was never this violent with him before. Growling, she picked up the phone and threw it at his direction. He managed to duck and the phone hit the door behind him.   
“I was just looking out for you! I didn’t want you to get hurt! You are too blind to see that he’s an idiot! What do you know of love anyway? Jumping from one guy to another, you know nothing, you’re so naive!” He shouted back, getting angry too. The next thing he knew, was her hand in the air and her palm making a sharp contact with her cheek. The stinging brought tears to his eyes and he was too stunned to wiped them away.   
“No one asked to be my knight in shining armour! Do me a favour and never ever go behind my back! Don’t ever think you know what’s best for me!” She growled and stormed past him and slammed the door.   
“Fine, but if you get your heart broken, don’t come crying to me!” Anger washed over his body and but in the middle of this madness, he knew if she were to get hurt, he would comfort her. She was still his friend and he will always look out for her, even if she didn’t want him to. Always.   
Dammit, his cheek hurt. 

Beware of the wolves who hide their teeth. 

He arrived to the building she lived in and paid the cab driver.   
“Here we go.” He said to himself as he got out of the car and made his way upstairs. He took the stairs, so he could stall it just a little longer. But eventually he got to her door. Stopping in front of it and fishing his keys out of his pocket, he hesitated. Uncertainty took over his mind and for a moment he considered turning around and leaving.   
No, if he left, he would never have the courage to do this again and he would regret this for the rest of his life. Placing the key in the lock, he slowly turned it and stepped into the apartment, as quiet as he could. The apartment was so quiet, it was almost out of this world. The curtains were closed and he thanked her for doing it so he couldn’t see the ugly painting she made, that was on the wall, and what she was so proud of. It scared him endlessly but her twisted mind found it fascinating. 

But where was she? He glanced towards her bedroom and saw that the door was closed. Underneath flickering lights were seen and he wondered why was she awake this time of the night.   
But she wasn’t awake. She was fast asleep. As he opened the door, he spotted her in the bluish light of the tv. She was curled up in the middle of it, hugging her guitar. Around her there were notes and chords written down and they didn’t make any sense to him. All he knew that she was writing a song. He glanced at the tv and immediately recognised the movie. She was watching Die hard 2. His favourite movie. She must’ve fallen asleep after the first one. She looked exhausted beyond words. Her face was still tear stained and she looked so small and vulnerable, it’s scared me. It scared him to see a normally strong and confident woman question everything about herself and cry. She was the glue that kept their group together and he always thought of her as someone he could look up to. She never backed down, she was strong and handled everything. If any of them argued with the other, she was the one who solved the problems. It just wasn’t right that now she needed help. But she was only a human. And there is so much a human being can take. She was past her breaking point. 

He broke her. Chased the high too far, too fast.

He grabbed the remote and turned the tv off. The bluish light completely disappeared and a different kind of source kept the room from being swallowed by the darkness.   
The moonlight lit her bedroom up and created a silver halo around her head. Her blonde hair looked white and pale skin even paler. She looked like a porcelain doll. So still and pure… like a ghost. If her chest wasn’t rising and falling evenly with her breathing, he would be convinced she wasn’t real. Fragile.   
His dream dream crept back into his mind. He imagined touching her face and her skin cracking, turning into grey while falling into pieces. It caused him to shiver. 

Chandler slowly walked to her bed and sat down next to her. Moving the papers he read some of them. Who knew that she was capable of such mature lyrics apart from Smelly cat.   
“The knife in my heart couldn't slow me down.  
'Cause power is power, my fire never goes out” he read it out as loud as he dared, not wanting to disturb the silence they were wrapped in. He found peace in that silence and for a minute he could pretend that everything is alright and Phoebe didn’t hate him. I placed the paper on the nightstand. She was powerful. Her pure, innocent heart and childlike wonder made her untouchable. She’s been down with the coldest war. She bled from thousands of wounds before. Her soul was covered with battle scars and they weren’t likely to go away. And she did rise up to be this incredible woman. Those things made him admire her and her strength. 

He didn’t know how long he just sat there and watched her sleep, taking pleasure of her breathing, her chest slowly but steadily moving to the rhythm. He thanked the gods that she was alive, each breath she took was a gift. But then she moved. Turning around, she opened her eyes and closed them. Opening them again, she finally registered his presence and didn’t seem so happy about it. Her grip tightened around the guitar to the point where her knuckles turned white and he honestly thought the next thing she will do is beat him senseless with it.   
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was weak and she sounded exhausted.   
“I’m just here to talk to you.” He said softly and moved closer to her a little. She immediately moved away.   
“Look, please I need to talk to you.” He sighed and reached out to hold her hand. She let him but her body tensed at his touch. She didn’t want it. She didn’t want his touch. And it hurt him.   
“Please…” he pleased once more and sighing she turned her head away, closing her eyes again. He knew he was good to go.   
“Listen Phoebe. I love you. I can’t help it, trust me it wasn’t my intention to fall in love with you. But I did and I don’t regret it one little bit. I want you. I wanted you all along I just didn’t realise. Remember when I made that guy to break up with you? I did it for you, and I know you didn’t ask me to, but I just couldn’t stand a watch him treat you like trash while you had the whole world to give. You deserve to give your world to someone who will appreciate it. You deserve to be the center of someone’s universe who would do anything for you. You deserve someone you can call your family. Let me be that person. Let me love you like you’ve never been before. I can do that. I promise. I may be an ordinary guy but I will be your hero if you’ll have me.” He said, with each word moving closer to her.   
“Tell me what you want to hear. Something, anything that would make you smile, believe in my words. I need something that I can confess.” With each word her face changed, softened. From the hard expression, her features turned into holding back. Holding back the pain and love. He knew she loved him too. He knew he got to her, her walls, she so carefully built, were crumbling down. And he also knew why she was holding back. She was scared she betrayed her best friend by falling in love with her boyfriend. 

She was the sanity that’s driving him insane. 

“Monica knows.” He simply said and her eyes snapped at him. She turned so quickly, her hair fell on her face. He reached out once again and gently tucked it behind her ear.   
“She knows and she told me to come here and fight for you. Said you’re worth it.” He smiled, so big his cheeks hurt.   
“Look at you, I didn’t know you had that many teeth” she said quietly and he could hear her smile.   
“What?” He asked and laughed, slightly confused.   
“Look at you, you have like 80 teeth” she continued to tease him and finally looked at him. He just couldn’t stop smiling, he was so happy.   
“So she’s okay with you chasing me?” She asked and absently played with his fingers.   
“Yeah, she understands that I love you and she would never force me to stay with her while my heart belongs to another.” He sounded so dramatic but it was the truth.   
“She’s okay. She doesn’t hate you. We can’t control our heart and who they choose to love.”  
She nodded and her smile faded again. And he was worried. Why did she stop smiling? Wasn’t she happy too?  
“But what about the others? I don’t want Rachel and Ross and Joey to hate me. They think you and Monica are the perfect couple. They will think I broke you guys up” she said a little panicked but he cupped her face and moved to sit in front of her.   
“No no Pheebs! Joey knows and he understands and Ross and Rachel all wants us to be happy, whoever that may be with.” Stroking her face, he planted a kiss on her forehead, showing his respect and love for her. His lips lingered on her skin a little longer and they both closed their eyes, enjoying the moment.   
“Please say you love me too” he whispered and dropped his forehead against hers, his breath tickling her face.   
“Yeah, I do love you.”


End file.
